why?
why is it that i cant control myself?
i wanted to stop waiting.
i really wanted to.
i made a resolution. call it an early new year resolution.
but it never came true.
for one day, maybe. but after that, it went back to normal.

is it even normal? i wonder...
whatever. it's just i cant help it but thinkk even deeper when i tell myself i shldnt even be thinking abt it. and mind you, i have been thinking about it for months. been sad for months. not that i was never happy at all these few months. but i was just... urgh... i am not sure either.

why cant i let go? why cant i forget? why cant i spend a moment w/o thinking about it? i am not sure i can do it. i am not sure whether i will hold on to it forever. not forever, then it will be a long time for sure. i just had to learn how to let go. but it took me years the previous time. will it be only months this time? i wonder... but apparently, the more i want to let go, the worse it has become.

thanks val for giving me great advices. i didnt wait. =) but i wonder how long will i be able to hold on for not waiting.