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15 July 2006
no point
i keep telling myself there is no point harping about what had happened. backstab or not, chat logs or not. what is done, is done.

the past conflicts we had, i never really take it to heart except that i tell myself,"i know they don't like it when i do this. change." i tried hard. i dont like the way i behave. we dont click. we simply dont. or maybe the problem lies with me and me alone.

i always put my friends before all others. i always thought that trust is always the most important factor among friendship.

my mum caught me crying yesterday night. i got scolded for not telling her why i cried. i dont care. scold me. i deserve it anyway. maybe i am borned into this world for others to scold for pleasure. that's the only use i am anyway. otherwise, i am useless.

thanks zuhui, cindy, jiayi and alvin for listening to what i said. thanks for cec who really wanted to share my probs with me but we have no chance to talk about it. i will tell you tmr. i bet you are all confused at what got me crying..

i fell asleep while crying last night. now my eyes are swollen. i never felt eyes this swollen except the last time when i got kissed in the face by that ball.

this morning i sprinted instead of jog. i like the wind in my face. it's like blowing all my troubles away. but when i step onto the road, i wish some car will come by and hit me. but none came.

it's not like i havent felt like crying for ages. since this year started, especially after mid years, the stress is building up. my poor results aint gonna get me anywhere. my softball sucked big time. now i cant rp much. i sneaked on while pretending to type out notes for SS. then what wjp said during lessons always made me feel useless. now that i know i am, i thank you for letting me know. this thing just sparked everything off. my studies, my cca, my friends... i ruined all of it. who in the world does it?

it's not that i don't forgive you for doing that. i really do. the thing is forgiving isnt as easy as forgetting. i will try. u are stillmy good friend. it's just a matter of whether i will want to forget whatever happened.

~ { 12:45 PM }
Leaving the CITY;