thinkings
heyy ppl.. it's early in the morning.. well.. not really early.. but i got woken up around 8.45am by coach calling. lolx.. nvm.. at least i managed to get a few things done. hahas.. anyway.. my second chapter of the fanfiction is below.. perhaps i will create one more blog just to put all my fan fictions there.. i am writing on chapter 4 and chapter 3 will be up abt 2 days laterr?
hmm.. next week bel is not gng SRC so shld i? i think i shld or the coach will get real angry. And the trainings are fun too but i think going on tues is not neccessary cos it's always the boys training? perhaps they think we extra there cos they stone when we bat... cos our balls not reaching them. diaox. lolx. anyway.. after this year perhaps i wont be able to train as much.. look at my abysmal results. urgh. perhaps i shall just dedicate my whole life to writing fantasies and living in my own world. hahas. but tht doesnt earn me much money cos my writing's lousy. boo. i like geog though.. but my results arent tht good for geog. sometimes i wonder whether i am good at anything at all. look at my results. and i am sure i will be benched next year because i am not good enough.
funny to get this feeling.. cos when i was 13 years old, i think softball is my life. i love it so much tht i feel sad even to have to be late for trainings cos of remedials and what nots. when i was 14, i think that softball is my hobby. i dont have to look for other hobbies like going out with my frens etc etc. i can concentrate on softball and studies. softball takes stress off my mind. i love it.. i still love it. and what's more, i love the team, esp the sec 2 hurricanes then. but now.. when i turn 15, i feel that softball is a.. wht's tht called? burden? it's too strong a word.. it's just tht it's adding lots of stress into my life rather than taking them off.. i am up to my neck in school struggling with studies and now my position on the field is being threatened too. i am working hard on it.. i know results dont show immediately. but it's been long enough. even once i felt like giving up. but i know that this special sport used to be my life.. i cant do without it. and i tried very very hard to get tht feeling back but it's lost.. and i thinkk it can never be found.
the confidence i once had on the field is gone. my sense of belonging is gone. yesterday, on my way to kallang to watch RI's match, i kept thinking abt it. times have changed. it's time i learn to let some things go. i noe if i get benched next year, i cant sit there and sulk. i have to do my best to cheer the others on. no matter how sad i am, i cant show it to my team mates there and then. perhaps i will share it with them after the tournament or something.. but do i want to share it with them anymore? one thing is tht i am already benched, nothing i can do and tht is the one last year i am in nan hua.. it's time i concentrate on my studies, settle myself down in a good JC... and whether i want to continue this sport will be up to my decision then. now i am already thinking of not continuing. it has once been my life.. a very special part of my life. if it had not been for softball, i will not get a sigui family supporting me most of the time... it's cos of softball tht i get a nice nice daddy teaching me and guiding me along. it's filled my life with happiness and sorrow.. [though this year i feel sad most of the time... ] i feel proud when my relatives ask what CCA am i in and i tell them softball... when they dont know what it is, i tell them it's something like baseball. and to see their awed faces, i feel proud.. proud that i know a special sport they dont. proud that i get to play it on the field and i know what's gng on when they dont. am the proudest of all is because i think i have the best team mates in the world on the field fighting with me. but will tht feeling come again next year? i dont know.
perhaps after going to SRC for training, my mind really opened up lots.. seeing how they train, i know that they are the professionals that we shld learn from. they really put their hearts into training.. doing hard hits, they really put in their strength to hit as far and as high as they can go. doing fielding, they make sure they are always on the alert and field as many balls as they can within their reach. doing pitching sets, they make sure they put in all their strength and concentration to get speed and the strikes at the same time. watching them gives me the motivation to move on in softball. not only their skills are good... you can never see them moving around in cliques. they move around as a whole team.. a whole big team like one family, regardless their age. they encourage each other as much as they can.. they display good sportsmanship wherever they go, whichever part of the field they are on. seeing this makes me feel sad cos my team is no longer like tht. even the sec 3s are breaking up cos we are in different classes and some are even starting to not care about other ppl's feelings. the sec1s, 2s and 3s are also moving in groups.. like we are 3 different teams or something like that. can we ever be like those ppl in the SRC? perhaps their skills might not be good enough to enter them into olympics or whtsoever big competitions in the world... but their sportsmanship and team spirit is what makes me respect them. perhaps it's because of their team spirit that they are not afraid of competitions. tht's wht makes them good players. because each of them knows that when they are up to field, they know their team mates will be there to support them, to praise them when they make particularly good saves, to cheer them on when they make a blunder. when they are up to bat, they know that they can hit far and get themselves saved on one or even second. when they are running, they are not afraid cos they know that the batter will be able to send him or her home.. tht's the trust and bond among them. do we have it? i doubt so.. but i hope that before the sec 3s this year step down, this bond will be alive among us once more.
